Confused Whispers......

I knew that feeling. The eyes that looked at me were filled with hatred. But why??? It was this ‘why’ that had been troubling me for days now. I couldn’t think of any reason. I rewinded each and every detail again and again... still no clue.

I invited my intuition for a chit chat today. We were meeting after a long time. I trust her completely. My instincts have never ever betrayed me. Whenever in doubt, I have stopped seeking answers from outside. I just listen to the whisper of my heart. Whenever I have done something that didn’t feel right, it had always ended up not being right. I have learnt through the hardest way that my heart, my intuition, my instinct... they would ring the warning bells whenever danger is around the corner. But now, I am not getting it as clearly as before. Or am I scared to face the truth? I know this will break me beyond repair. Is that why I am not seeing an answer? Well, I will have to wait and find out. Waiting hurts. Thinking also hurts. But not knowing the answer is the most painful....

 How many of you have been used by others? When they know that you have given your heart to them, they squeeze you till your last drop. When you are totally drained, and when you don’t have anything else to offer, they leave you just like that... And then, total silence. Full stop. Why do people allow themselves to be exploited like this? Well, it is not because they want to. It just happens. That’s the way of the heart.

Deep inside me, there is a darker side. The one which no one is aware of. The one you know, is of course, me. But my other half? There are many who say that I don’t have a heart… that I don’t have any feelings. Most think of me as insensitive. My dearest friend always says that I have a closed face… emotions can’t be read from my face. Is it because I don’t feel anything at all? Is it because there is a void in my heart? No… my heart is not empty. It pains me to see that people think I can’t love. It hurts me when they say I can’t feel. The very close relatives, and my own parents, were at a loss when they came to read my mind.  Why can’t I express myself? Why can’t I say openly what my feelings are? Why can’t I open my heart to my dear and near ones?

My thoughts are cluttered. They pour out without any order. My lips smile. My eyes try to. But my heart bleeds. It might take days. But I will recover. I have to fix my wounds. I have to line up my thoughts. After all, the path ahead is long and curved................