There is one thing that I could never do… cry to my heart’s content. I hide my emotions from my close friends and family. I’ve got so used to holding up my feelings that I forgot how to cry. I try and try… but can never cry. I smile outwards, when really inside, my heart will be breaking.
Tears have always refused to leak out from me. They are always well-settled, sealed behind my eyes. Many a times I have craved for an outpour… for the tears to tumble…to sob like a baby. I want to weep out the tons of emotions, anger and tensions inside me. The knot in the throat tightens and suffocates me. But I couldn’t. If they had fallen, it would have been easy to wipe it out. But how can you wipe the tears that were locked behind your eyes? How can you ever erase that blemish? My pillows were and are never soaked. Even when I wanted to cry my heart out, I used to laugh. When I am frustrated, when I am sad.. I smile. Well, the mess is less. Even without the tears washing my eyes, I am able to look at life with a clear view. There were times when the tide of life had turned against me. The boat had been turned upside down. I had waited for my tears to flow from the depth of my helpless despair. They rise up from my heart, gather together behind my closed eyes… but are adamant to come out. They prefer to stay behind closed doors. The pressure is too much. What can I do to release the safety valve?
Is that why my soul becomes dry so fast? Tearless griefs are bleeding inwardly. There are times when I just want to cry my heart out. I knew the tears were there.. brimming, sloshing behind my eyes, like a glass full of water.. but never spilling. Will it ever??????
Tears have always refused to leak out from me. They are always well-settled, sealed behind my eyes. Many a times I have craved for an outpour… for the tears to tumble…to sob like a baby. I want to weep out the tons of emotions, anger and tensions inside me. The knot in the throat tightens and suffocates me. But I couldn’t. If they had fallen, it would have been easy to wipe it out. But how can you wipe the tears that were locked behind your eyes? How can you ever erase that blemish? My pillows were and are never soaked. Even when I wanted to cry my heart out, I used to laugh. When I am frustrated, when I am sad.. I smile. Well, the mess is less. Even without the tears washing my eyes, I am able to look at life with a clear view. There were times when the tide of life had turned against me. The boat had been turned upside down. I had waited for my tears to flow from the depth of my helpless despair. They rise up from my heart, gather together behind my closed eyes… but are adamant to come out. They prefer to stay behind closed doors. The pressure is too much. What can I do to release the safety valve?
Is that why my soul becomes dry so fast? Tearless griefs are bleeding inwardly. There are times when I just want to cry my heart out. I knew the tears were there.. brimming, sloshing behind my eyes, like a glass full of water.. but never spilling. Will it ever??????
6 comments:
“Oh, I am very weary, Though tears no longer flow; My eyes are tired of weeping, My heart is sick of woe.”
Heard those lines before ?
It is a blessing if u are able to hold back ur feelings and control your tears.But then one should have one's eyes washed by one's tears just to get a better vision of the world ! Nice one ... Keep whispering ! :)
I guess emotional outpour is unique to a person. You may manage to suppress your tears inside, like you have an inbuilt bucket to store it thereby preventing it from flowing out.Its just that the size of the bucket differs in different people. For instance, my bucket is small, and hence tears roll out very easily :)
Thank you for visiting my space.
On a different note, I read in your profile about your mention of the bet with Chullikkad sir and Chidambarasmarana, which is one of my favourites. Incidently he lives in my neighbourhood though I haven't yet had a chance to get acquainted.
Regards,
Balu
I am some one who wish if I could hold my tears....as to me it can flow up with the slightest emotion..its an embarassing situation at times...
Even if your tears not flowing, let your thoughts keep flowing and keep writing..
Have you ever felt that there is some inexplicable pleasure in pain? Then, you must agree, there is some hidden, beauty in the expression of sorrow?
Most emotions in the mind are linked to some discharge from some gland somewhere. No other gland, I therefore presume, is more graceful that the lacrimal glands. Wisdom, however, weakens the tenets and activities of these glands.
For me at least, as an objective viewer, a pair of feminine eyes flooded with tears has always been a great aesthetic experience. Ironically, the sight of a woman wiping her eyes quietly is an even greater sight to behold!
I speak of tears, not the outpour of sorrow.
You S are a wise person and knowing you are a wise person, I now raise the question, are you looking for tears to wipe?
the topics u choose r interesting....when i read this...a song composed and sung by eric clapton when he lost his daughter whom he loved dearly came to my mind..."TEARS IN HEAVEN".
Dear Thoughtless Whispers,
Your description of tears reminds me of your love for the rain, which I have noticed re-occurs in your various posts. Rain, tears, all of them are drops of emotion so carefully allowed to drop. I know what you mean when you say that you wish the tears would just fall, but all you experience is a burning throat and a reeling mind. Keep writing, and let your feelings fall like drops of tears (or rain!) on paper. Thanks for the comment on my blog by the way, it was very inspiring!
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