Dreaming Whispers....

I am in love… deep and hard... with the mountains…

The Himalayas beckons me. Himalayas - Where the earth meets the sky! It has become a passion for me. Ever since I have read a few books on it, I always dream of going deeper in the Himalayas… I feel the mountain hides many secrets. I want to walk through the untrodden trails, filling my lungs with crisp fresh air, and listen to the music of the snow. I want to lie down in their folds, explore its deeper and higher reaches, and wander all through the mystifying valleys and peaks… I like the idea of shivering to keep myself warm. I am hooked. It summons me to rest in its lap. I feel the Himalayas everyday. I dream of setting my foot on the King of the mountains, and then go to Kailas, and come back. I dream of residing in a place where I can go there whenever I want to.

I gave a suggestion to my family- to take an apartment somewhere in the Himalayan valley. They, in turn, gave me another suggestion. They will settle in Delhi, and I can visit them whenever I feel like!!! All three were in unison shouting at me not to involve them in my madness.

Another place where I want to spend a day is Kudajadri. But here, only one day… Not a lifetime like in The Himalayas. While Himalayas is more spiritual, Kudajadri is, to me, romantic. The beautiful surroundings, the pouring rain, lush green forests, windswept hills, the enchanting Sowparnika…

To go to both these places, I need a strong hand with me… The hand that leads me to knowledge… the hand that teaches me about life… the hand that shows me how to love… the hand that catches me when I stumble…

I know that the mountains are not what they seem from a distance. They seem to me impossibly far away… still I know it can be approached. So far I have seen it only as a painting… the master stroke of the creator.

There is a saying, "when you fall in love with mountains, they keep calling you again and again". How true! My heart is filled with the call of the mountains… I am dying to reach my destination… A destination which will always be my passion, my pain and my pleasure...!!!

Celling Whispers....

I have a confession to make. I carry a murder weapon on my person every day and night, and I go to bed with it next to me within easy reach. I rely on it for my work, my leisure and my pleasure. And I won’t part with it under any circumstances. I think I am going to become a Nomo phobic… Yes… I can’t imagine a situation when I don’t have my mobile with me!!!

Curiously I don't actually make that many mobile phone calls; it is the comfort of having the phone that I like. I get suffocated in a place where I don’t get my mobile range. I would be wondering who might be trying to reach me or message me, even though only a very few dear ones call me on my cell. The very sight of it brings me the memories of my loved ones. The mere contact with it fills me with the warmth of their touch. If handsets were alive, mine would have many stories to tell… The eagerly awaited calls, the kisses exchanged, the naughty loving messages, the love given and taken, the silent embraces, eased tears…

Living without the cell phone is like living in an isolated desert. All the communication with the outer world lies inside that small thing. The only numbers which I know by-heart is my mom’s and hubby’s. My cell is my walkman… it is my camera… it is my alarm clock… it is my personal reminder… it is my album. In fact, it is my life... It is what connects me to my dreams. The old adage, Books are a man’s best friend should be changed to cell phones are now a man’s best friend. It is a need, it is a want, it is something that you never forget to take with you where ever you go.

Again I say, I don’t use cell phone much… But only now, once more, to message someone that I am posting a new one in my blog………….

Loving Whispers.........

I am back from my retreat now… Back from my home. Back to the dry-looking vast desert (as vast as my dreams!)… back to my once mind-numbing chores... back to the daily routine. Coming back after an escape in India is a very big deal for me. I am one of those many who can never look forward to coming back after holidays. It is not that I don’t enjoy spending my private life with my husband and kids. I do. A lot. It is just that when it is over, I am not yet ready to get back to the humdrums.

This time, I am back from the holidays feeling I need a holiday. Usually I am fully recharged by the time I am back. But this time, life has been too hectic. Mind was never still.

The holidays have been a mixture of gains and losses… of do’s and dares. I did something which I had not dared to do for around 25 years of my life. I dared to open the Pandora’s Box which had been tightly sealed for more than two score years of my life. Out jumped greedily the emotions and feelings which would’ve surely made even the most patient one hit the roof. I had controlled my emotions for too long that suddenly, when a small fissure cropped up, they sprang and jumped out too quickly.

I had kind of led a reclusive life… kind of aloof, in my own world of unresolved thoughts and memories. I had had a kind of melancholic disposition, with people around who cared for me, and whom I cared for. But then there was none to be called as a soul mate. There was no thinking alike kind of relationship… just a very functional, mutually beneficial kind of sharing. I used to languish in my own world, stuck to the past. But now everything has changed. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. To give me another chance. Well, heard… rather than saw. Was too eager to see that light, to feel it, and to cuddle in its warmth. But that remains a dream. The tomorrow never came… Still the light lingered. And lightened even the darkest corner of my life. The black became white. It erased the depressing shadows surrounding me. Tears (though unshed) became smiles. I got away from all the negativity. The light was no more hidden by any screen. The curtain was parted to let in love. Nothing was any more behind the veils.

Now I am out from behind the curtains. I think about the way things might have been if I had come out much earlier. But no regrets. At least now than never. I never believed I would get this far. I can handle it. I am in control of my life now. I’ve been shaken out of my ignorance. The time has come for me to choose. I have been pushed back from the edge of self destruction. The one who has been showing light has extended his strong arms…. And has taken my hands, and set my feet upon the long path of self discovery.