A long time….. My blog was sooted and tarnished. It took a couple of years to clean it and make it a place worth coming back...
What was I doing these two years? Why did you leave me alone to myself, my muse? But then, I too didn’t want to uncap my pen… I used to stare at the blank spaces with a blank mind and blank eyes. I never saw anything. I never heard anything. I was hiding secretly inside my cocoon.
My heart is heavy today. No, not because of Valentine’s Day. It was this day twenty five years ago that I lost my dad. I still remember my aunt coming home early morning to break that awful news. I was having my breakfast then. The shock and the silence after the blast… The food choked on my throat. I couldn’t swallow… neither could I spit. I locked myself in my private box, letting no one in. The hurt is the same even after all these years. The wound is still wide open. There were many occasions when I wished he was there to hold my hands. But I never utter a sound. He had so much life left to live. Life is not fair at all.
My dad was like a rock, strong and bold. He was a tower of strength. I was his little girl, who had a mind of my own. He taught me how to stand without fear. He taught me to trust my heart before listening to anyone. He taught me to stride my life without fear. I was not at all the best daughter. I had my own share of negligence and neglects. But I was just 16. Still in my chrysalis, waiting to bloom. How could I live without those strong hands guiding me?
If I close my eyes, I can hear him telling me stories. I can hear him singing a song for me. I can hear him roaring for the mistakes I did. I can hear the soft rustle of my swing bed where we used to lie down looking out through the windows. I can hear him telling me to grab and arrange the pieces of my life I had shattered around.
If only dead people would come back.. If only I could go back in time and make things different.. But the past is like a handful of dust that filters through your fingers. Little by little, it disappears. If only, just for one day, I could be with my dad.. just one more day…… just one more time…….
Dad, I miss you a lot…. Dad, R.I.P (Return, If Possible…..)
What was I doing these two years? Why did you leave me alone to myself, my muse? But then, I too didn’t want to uncap my pen… I used to stare at the blank spaces with a blank mind and blank eyes. I never saw anything. I never heard anything. I was hiding secretly inside my cocoon.
My heart is heavy today. No, not because of Valentine’s Day. It was this day twenty five years ago that I lost my dad. I still remember my aunt coming home early morning to break that awful news. I was having my breakfast then. The shock and the silence after the blast… The food choked on my throat. I couldn’t swallow… neither could I spit. I locked myself in my private box, letting no one in. The hurt is the same even after all these years. The wound is still wide open. There were many occasions when I wished he was there to hold my hands. But I never utter a sound. He had so much life left to live. Life is not fair at all.
My dad was like a rock, strong and bold. He was a tower of strength. I was his little girl, who had a mind of my own. He taught me how to stand without fear. He taught me to trust my heart before listening to anyone. He taught me to stride my life without fear. I was not at all the best daughter. I had my own share of negligence and neglects. But I was just 16. Still in my chrysalis, waiting to bloom. How could I live without those strong hands guiding me?
If I close my eyes, I can hear him telling me stories. I can hear him singing a song for me. I can hear him roaring for the mistakes I did. I can hear the soft rustle of my swing bed where we used to lie down looking out through the windows. I can hear him telling me to grab and arrange the pieces of my life I had shattered around.
If only dead people would come back.. If only I could go back in time and make things different.. But the past is like a handful of dust that filters through your fingers. Little by little, it disappears. If only, just for one day, I could be with my dad.. just one more day…… just one more time…….
Dad, I miss you a lot…. Dad, R.I.P (Return, If Possible…..)
